Last Day of May!

Today is the last day of May 2009 and I for one will be making a few changes in my life (I hope this time). I say this but will it truly happen?

Been trapped in a personal relationship problem for some time and I've been wondering about how to proceed especially since either one would take me down a path I thought I had left behind me in the past. I, not one to be hindered by "feelings" and "emotions," I've always done what was easier and what would give me a short term enjoyment (thus my always being single) but as I get older I wonder if my "childish" outlook on life has turned me into a "bastard of men" or a "stoic" and "heartless man." I've been called heartless before and I hate to admit that at the time I was indeed heartless to her not only because of my lack of emotions but also because of my lack of feelings for her emotions.

Other times I've been dubed clueless because frankly (and most men will agree with me) that I can't read a woman's mind (and even if I did I'm not sure I want to know how it completely works and processes information - that might scrare me too much) and I should be able too even if I can't. A canundrum if there ever was one.

I love women in all their many splenders but frankly I don't always understand them and in my 33 years on this Earth I've still got a long ways to go (if I ever really get there) but my true delima is whether or not I should take what I've learned from my past and use it for my future or should I try to relive my past knowing now what I didn't know then. An enigma still.

It's a question I've found myself trying to answer for the last month as my brain and heart and common sense duke it out with each other. It's the end of the month and I've decided to leave the past in the past and live for the future (learning what I've learned from the past in order not to make the same mistake in the future).

A canundrum and an enigma roled up into a jigsaw puzzle and game of Tetris in one. Boy do I hate life sometimes.